Loss

You left me to rot,
because I pushed you away.
You abandoned me,
because I hurt you.

Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
Or was it because of me,
and the agony I attract?

I never meant to hurt you,
but I did so regardless.
You were a dear friend of mine,
but I drove you away.

I'm alone again,
and I always will be.
I always make others suffer,
even the ones I care for.

How can I say sorry,
when I don't know what I did?
How can I stay mad,
when you helped me so much?

I cannot hate you,
even if I tried.
You left me alone,
but that was just.

If I only breed misery,
why should I be happy?
Call it karma if you choose,
but my grief is only a returning gift.

A gift I gave to you.

I tried to be someone better.
I really did.
But I can't be someone better,
because I never was that person.

I can't escape the twisted part of me,
because that's who I am.
I can't outrun my own demons,
because they're my shadow.

I will always hurt others,
because that's what I'm best at.
I will never escape myself,
because I cannot change.

Frozen in time for so long,
my soul's stagnated now.
I can't move on from old hate,
it's forever grafted to me.

You gave me kindness,
I gave you bitterness.
You gave me hope,
I gave you anguish.

Don't come back to save me.
There's nothing left to save.